Can’t Speak

November 13, 2008 at 10:32 pm Leave a comment

[Audio] Wacky Cashew – Can’t Speak Diary Entry

Diary Entry

May 2, 2002

Another dreary day in Taiwan.  An emptiness has crept into my heart.  The plane is just about to take off…  You’re flying back to Canada again.  Except this time, you’re not coming back…  This time, it really is the final farewell.  Just a moment ago, I gave you a hug and wished you all the best, promising to keep in touch. You asked me to come visit sometime.  I quietly nodded and tried to force a smile.  Then, it was time for you to go.  We embraced once more and sadly bid each other good-bye.  Before you stepped through the sliding doors, you turned around and waved one last time.  I waved back.

And now, I’m gazing up at the sky.  The plane has just taken off.  As I watched it climbing steadily, it felt as if a part of me has taken flight with it.  The plane soon became a speck in the sky, and the clouds, like shutters to a window, moved back into place.  I began my journey home…

For the rest of the day, I just didn’t feel like doing anything.  So, I just lied down on my bed.  I looked up at the ceiling, but all I saw was you.  Even though you had just left, it already felt like you’ve been gone for so long…  I can’t help but wonder how you are at this very moment.  Are you enjoying your flight?  Are you excited about going home?  To see your family?  To see him?  Are you thinking about me the slightest bit?  *sigh*  I decided to just sleep on it, so I closed my eyes.  But try as I may, I just can’t fall asleep.  My mind is filled with images of your face.  You look especially cute when you pout. *smile*  Did you know that?  And wherever you go, there’s this fragrance that lingers behind.  You leave no place and no one untouched.

I wish that I had told you…  my happiness is YOU.  Whenever I think about you, I can’t help but smile.  You just radiate joy and I love every minute that I spend with you.  But now, you’re gone…  I feel so lost…  so helpless…  It’s like…  when you’re not here, I…  I just lose my mind.  I get devoured by this darkness.  Argh!  Why didn’t I say something earlier?  I tried so hard to express exactly how I felt.  But it was to no avail.  Just when I was about to tell you what was on my heart, I discovered that you already have someone else in your life.  I was one step too late.  You belong in his arms now…  and no one else’s.

I don’t know why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you.  The truth is…  I so wanna protect you, and make you laugh, and be your shoulder to cry on, and just love you with all that I have…  forever and ever.  You mean so much to me!  Why didn’t I tell you?!  And now I have to face this regret for the rest of my life.  Do you even know just how much I care?  *sigh*  Well, I guess that’s not important now.  You’ve finally found someone.  And he seems to love you just as much.  Why couldn’t I just say those three simple words?  I…  love…  you.  I…  love…  YOU.  I love you!  *sigh*  Somehow, those three words just couldn’t come out.  And now…  It’s already too late for me to show you my love for you.  My heart is just hanging, with no place to rest.  And all I can do…  is think of you from afar, and be your friend always…  ’cause that special someone in your life…  is not me.


Entry filed under: Diary Entries (Jay Chou songs), Prose. Tags: , , , , , .

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