Cliff of Love

November 13, 2008 at 10:37 pm Leave a comment

[Audio] Wacky Cashew – Cliff of Love Diary Entry

Diary Entry

July 31, 2003

Feeling a little confused today, I decided to take a walk in the park to clear my mind a bit.  The words that you spoke yesterday came drifting back to me…

“You’re just like a kid!  Always playing these guessing games with me…  Humph!”

Hmmm…  Am I really?  At that time I didn’t know how to reply and just retorted that you’re the one who’s so childish, always asking me to spell things out for you…  As soon as those words left my lips, I felt a sense of regret in my heart.  And now we’re giving each other the silent treatment. *sigh*  Why is it always like this?  To tell you the truth, I’m starting to get a little tired.  Thinking back to how we started, everything was so perfect.  And now…  I’m so clueless about what’s going on.  I guess some things just happened too fast and maybe that’s why I feel so lost right now.

I took a seat on a park bench nearby and tried to shake off the uneasy feeling.  But an overwhelming sense of bewilderment made its way from my heart to the surface.  It’s too late this time.  There’s no turning back.  Maybe we should have waited till we had gotten to know each other better before we started going out.  Now that I think about it, neither of us was ready for a relationship back then, and yet, we just got together…  I wonder how different it would be now had we just remained friends and nothing more…

I know I probably shouldn’t be thinking this way…  But our love…  Had it been extinguished before it even really started?  What is true love anyway?  Sometimes I wished that things were more natural between us…  Not quite so forced or awkward…  I really don’t understand why, but sometimes I feel like I’m just talking to a complete stranger.  Have I really changed all that much?  Or could it be you who’s changed?  Every time that we can’t seem to get through to each other, you just give up so easily.  Like yesterday…  You just walked off after you said that.  I just don’t understand how you can bring yourself to toss such hurtful words at me time and again…

“I don’t love you anymore…  Let’s just end this once and for all!”

When I first heard those words, I felt like I’ve just been punched in the stomach.  But after several times of hearing them, I feel like those words just don’t mean that much anymore…  The only difference is that, this time, I think you really do mean them.  Feeling hopeless, I shifted on the park bench and gazed up at the cloudy sky.  I’d thought that whatever obstacles we’ve overcome would only make our relationship stronger.  But I was wrong.  It just made things more and more difficult for us, to the point where I felt like we can’t even communicate anymore.  I was saddened by this and didn’t know what to do.  I still don’t know what to do…

Have you had this feeling before?  You know…  You feel like you’ve been pushed so far that it’s as if you’ve fallen off a cliff…  At this moment, I just feel like I’m falling deeper and deeper as time goes by and I can’t climb out.  Not only that, but I also feel like I’m plummeting faster and faster and I can’t stop!  Time seems to be running backwards and the future is beyond my grasp.  Your love just comes and goes all the time.  I feel tugged in both directions and everything is a blur.  I’m having a hard time even breathing because the rhythm of my breath keeps getting disrupted.  How am I to escape from all this?  I just can’t seem to control it…  When thoughts of the way you once were came to mind, all I could think about is how cute and sweet you were.  Those big brown eyes…  So innocent.  And right now, a part of me is still unwilling to let go.  I’m still foolishly waiting here, thinking that you’d return someday.  But after a while, your face faded away bit by bit and I felt like I’m sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of time.  Everything is disappearing so quickly as I’m being buried…  And there was nothing that I can do because I just don’t have the strength to withstand it anymore.  My mind has grown weary and I don’t know what to think.  Will I ever be able to put an end to all this?  Or will I just keep on slipping farther and farther? *sigh*

“I thought you would come back…  What happened?”

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Entry filed under: Diary Entries (Jay Chou songs), Prose. Tags: , , , , , .

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