Secret Signal

November 13, 2008 at 10:34 pm Leave a comment

[Audio] Wacky Cashew – Secret Signal Diary Entry

Diary Entry

July 19, 2002

Today’s been an interesting day.  I feel a tinge of joy and sadness.  Being with you has been the happiest thing that has ever happened to me.  Whatever I want, whatever I want to do, you know better than anyone else.  And the things that you wanna say, the things that you wanna give, I know them all as well.  Oftentimes, just a simple gaze, a smile, a nod, and immediately we would know what the other is trying to say.  Knowing all this makes me feel warm inside.  But today, I have yet to hear from you.  I wonder why you haven’t picked up my calls or left any messages on my cell.  Are thoughts of loneliness drifting in your mind again?  Well, whatever is going on, I just know that no one else can guess that this is our secret signal.  Our own language that we have come up with after being together for so long.  It’s actually funny at times how other people try to guess, whether on purpose or at random, what we’re trying to communicate to each other.  They always get it wrong.  *laugh*  But I guess that’s not really important.

When we have connected with each other and gotten the right signal, that’s when we know that we can count on each other always because you can lean on me and I can rely on you.  But at times, there are just too many people and too many things that get in our way.  The noise is just so deafening that the signals we try to get across to each other get distorted and become weak.  Even the wind wants to be a part of this game and disturb the connection that we have.  That’s when things get frustrating and I start to feel a little lost.

I recall the last time that we sat on the park bench and just had a heart-to-heart talk about everything.  You don’t want to continuously keep our relationship a secret.  Neither do I.  Believe me.  But that’s what we must do for now.  I don’t like sneaking around with you either because I know that there is nothing wrong with you loving me and me loving you.  But at the same time, you also know that if your parents find out, our relationship will be over.  Your parents have always disliked me.  They probably think that I’m not good enough for you.  I know my family isn’t quite as rich as yours, but I’ve given you my promise.  Please don’t let this come between us now.  Not after all this time and what we’ve been through…  I really want to do all those things we talked about…  enjoying ourselves, being free, just being together with my hand clasped around yours, watching the waves of the ocean, traveling around the world…  I remember, and I really plan to carry those things out.

Right now I’m just worried about what would happen if I were not by your side.  I’m afraid that you would suppress your feelings and feel that you have no one to turn to because no one would understand.  I’m afraid that when you’re feeling heart-broken, there won’t be anyone there to help you wipe away those tears.  Please don’t let what the others say burden your heart with these extra thoughts.  As long as we feel right, that’s what matters most.  Right?  We belong together.  Please don’t leave me…  Only with you in my world would it be perfect.

I know that there were times when you thought this was all too much for you to handle.  You just wanted to escape from this and just let go of what we have.  You never thought loving me would be this hard, this tiring, this restrictive.  I know that my simple promise to love you and make you feel safe seems unfulfilled right now.  But please…  Just trust me.  Don’t put an end to what we have.  You know deep inside that our hearts have connected.  Don’t try to block this.  If you’ve stopped receiving what I’m trying to communicate to you, then how can I continue to know what you’re thinking?  You know it’s gotta be two-way.  What we have is too precious to give up.  I need you because…  I love you.  But what should I do right now to convince you to stay?  Does anybody know? *sigh*  Where have you gone?  Where are you right now?  Why aren’t you answering my calls or getting my messages?  I really hope to hear from you soon.  But I can’t help but feel that our secret signal is already beginning to fade…


Entry filed under: Diary Entries (Jay Chou songs), Prose. Tags: , , , , , .

Can’t Speak Cliff of Love

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